


BackStabbers

by QueenOfNerds713



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Bullying, Depression, Diary/Journal, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 15:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8376928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNerds713/pseuds/QueenOfNerds713
Summary: A lifestory surrounding a girl (my OC) called Jane, this is her short story. (This is my first story, so please no hate.) This story includes depression, social anxiety, bullying and implied suicide. This story will have no rainbows.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! I really don't know what to say about this one. It's not really fan-based off anything. It's really just a short story about a girl being bullied and judged silently. The story tells us of a girl, called Jane, who has social-anxiety, severe paranoia and slight depression. This story is about bullying and what it does to the mind and how it affects you. Also, the story is written like a diary, and from the perspective of the victim.  
> But enough said typed. Let the story, BEGIN!  
> Trigger warning: Bullying, negative thoughts and eventual suicide. This story will have no rainbows.

I don't know why I'm writing this... It's not like you'll care. It's not like anybody will care. But... I guess I just like the though of being remembered, if only for a few seconds. I'm not after pity. Just... I don't know. I don't know what I want. Maybe you'll know. After reading my story, you'll know what's wrong with me. I certainly didn't.  
My name is Jane Evaden. I am 13 and a half years old. And I'm probably already dead. Dead... I guess that makes this some kind of will.  
Jay, if you're reading this... all my toys and money stuff go to you. And P.S, You'll never be taller than me!  
But, if you're not Jay, then you'll be kind of confused. Jay is my little brother, he is (and always will be) 3 years younger than me. He is was my only sibling. My family was nothing special. Two regular parents, my mother was a jewellery maker and my father was a builder. A young boy of 10 and a half that acts like he's 5. And me, a weird goth-like teenager. Now... I'm not a good person. I'm not good at anything. I'm not smart. I'm not pretty. I'm not thin. I'm not talented. I'm... nothing. Nothing but a waste of existence.  
You probably want to know why I'm 'so negative', as my mum would say. Well... I guess I'll have to start from the beginning.  
I was born in England. Nothing fancy, the place is a shit-hole nowadays I hear. Anyway, I lived there with my family for multiple years. It was nice, I had lots of best friends and even a childhood sweetheart. School was slightly problematic, as I was dyslexic, I had trouble spelling, still do. The only reason this was written well, is because I have google search right next to me. Anyway, as I was saying, I had a fun time I guess. But then it changed.  
When I was around 6 years old, my family moved away. Far away. To the middle of nowhere... literally, I'm not joking. The closed town was a good 9 miles away. I lived next to a farm yard, a mile from the main village. The small area I lived in had about 3 or 4 neighbours, all farmer with their wives. They had children too, but they were all boys and about 3 years older than me anyway, they didn't want a little kid playing football with them anyway. They were nice people, don't get me wrong, but we all just kept to ourselves.  
Me and my brother (who was 3 at the time) went to the village's school. It was nice (mainly because nobody had hit puberty yet and everyone wanted to be your friend), at the time I didn't realise how different we were to everyone. Now before you say that I'm racist or insulting, let me remind you that I'm dead because of these kids. Anyway, everyone in town that was born, never left. Children would never move away and in some cases actually married their cousins. The people all looked similar, they had brown hair and dark eyes and were ridiculously skinny, not because they didn't eat, but just body wise, they were thin. The whole town looked like this, so we were obviously outsiders just by looking at us. Mine and my brother's features were quite different, we both had bright blond hair, while Jay had beautiful emerald eyes (which I'm still slightly jealous of), I had normal blue ones. Body wise, we were bigger. Not fat (atleast not Jay), we were just build differently. So comparing us to the natives, we looked like fat pigs dressed in lip gloss. I always hated that.  
Anyway, primary school was ok. I had my problems, I couldn't spell anything and had huge problems with grammar. Their language was hard to learn and I was held back two years because of it. Jay was fine (once he got out of the clingy phase), he quickly learnt and gain friends. Don't picture me as a sad lonely freak, I had friends too. Four main friends and a crush. My best friend was called Emily, she was a bossy girl, the type that always had to have the best stuff and show it off. But she was kind to me at first, maybe because I was the tropical foreign girl that no-one was related to. There were three other girls, Victoria, Alix and Coraline. The first two were best friends, they were horse mad and would play some stable game every break time, they would sometimes drag me along too. Coraline would also play with them, she wasn't horse mad, but would be with them anyway, probably because there wasn't anybody else to be with. My whole class had only 6 pupils in it, me, my friends and Gabriel, my crush. Honestly, I don't know why I liked him, he was kind of ugly and clearly not into girls (being a 7 year old kid), not to mention he was almost 2 years younger than me and thinner than most of the girls. I had a weird mind. By the time I was 11 or so, I had reached the end of primary school. I had ok grades, was the fastest runner in school and had some friends. But then everything changed.  
Secondary school is what f*cked me over. Now, I may have had friends, but that didn't mean I was close to them. I never visited their houses or invited them over, I never texted them (mainly because I didn't have nor wanted a phone) or saw them outside of school. But they were pretty close to each other, being neighbours and possibly cousins. Anyway, I had no idea what to expect from secondary school. I was so used to the natural no judging school from before, where I could be weird and get away with it. But I quickly realised that I couldn't do that there. I was shocked really, and it seemed as if I was the only one. My friends clearly knew what they were doing, as they easily integrated into the social circle with no problem. I mean, I was still used to playing tag, then this comes and suddenly they want to know where they bought each other's shoes. WTF society?!  
Okay, remember when I wrote about me being the odd one out before? Well, when I was in primary, they didn't care. But here... Boy was I different. Almost everyone was as skinny as a supermodel, even the boys, and they all had their monotone features and dark clothes (my schools never had a uniform policy, we could wear what we wanted) while I still had my bright hair and orange tank tops. I was quickly singled out, not only for my looks, but for my intelligence. As I wrote before, I had dyslexia, so I couldn't spell anything or pronounce words properly, I mean, once I accidently called my crush 'my boyfriend' and didn't get why he walked away from me very quickly (not until about a year later anyway...). So classes where hard... really hard, the teachers spoke too fast, my classmates were idiots that disrupted the session every five minutes, and the language was confusing. It's no wonder why I got bad marks. And to lower my self-esteem even lower, a lot of the time, the class was tasked in a team exercise that required two to three students. Most of my 'friends' were in other classes, and the ones who were never wanted me to be a part of their group. I was a burden. I could never help anyone, I constantly had trouble with pronunciation and was generally not very bright-minded, not to mention I was an outcast, a weirdo.  
So I had to up my game. I started wearing dark clothes and heels to look like the others, I cut my hair so that the blond colour was less visible, I even started wearing a tight belt around my stomach so that I wouldn't look so big (and if I didn't have a belt, I'd just hold my belly in for the whole day). I guess that's when my negative attitude was born. Because I didn't want to be seen as a selfish, stuck-up person that thinks they are special when they aren't. I was a disgusting human, and I wouldn't try to think otherwise.  
That wasn't the only thing that changed. Somewhere halfway through my first year, my school life began to collide with my home life. I didn't know or realise at the time, but even school night, I'd sleep on a matters instead of my bed, and I'd wash my hands every day after school and homework. Life continued like this for the rest of my first year, and I hated it. It was the second year that made me snap.  
Just before the second year started, I made myself a plan on how to deal with my new OCD-like ways of sleeping. I told myself that every day I didn't have a shower, I would sleep on the mattress outside my room, and every Wednesday and Friday I would shower and sleep on my true bed. I don't know why. I loved my bed and sleep, not because I was a teenager at this point, but because it got me away from reality. Dreaming kept the monsters and stress away. In my dreams, I did not worry, cry or stress. In my dreams, I was not judged. And I loved it. I never wanted it to end. But it did... it always did. The first day school started, all my hellish memories resurfaced. That night, instead of my mattress system, I showered, I washed all their filthy words and hate. I hated them. I hate them. I continued to do this, but it quickly escalated. As soon as I got home, I'd do my homework on the floor in the hall and prepare everything for the next day, before showering and changing my clothes altogether. I would see every area I touched with my school clothes on as 'contaminated', while clean, I'd avoid all these areas, I'd tippy toe around everything and wear a new pair of trousers every dinner before changing back and hiding in my room. I'd wash my hands about 15 to 20 times a day (I'm not even joking, I kept track). Sleep was the only thing that kept me sane. Dreaming is a nice thing. You can watch or interact in a personal memory or desire. I always wondered what it would be like to dream forever. To never worry, cry, stress or tire ever again.  
Anyway, by this time, I was 13 and quite obviously was going a little nuts. At school, I was alone. My 'friends' had long since abandoned me and would only thrown disgusted looks my way. My grades had fallen, I could never be bothered to do it, it's not like I understood it anyway. My sanity was reaching it's limit. By this time, I had started to wonder: Why am I doing this? What purpose does this serve? What have I done wrong? I would write things like 'Kill Me Now' on my wrists and paper and would constantly be sent to the nurse's office with stress pains. I never cut myself, no point, I wasn't looking for attention, just for help. A way out. Days past by over and over again like an endless cycle. And eventually I snapped. I am 13 and a half now, and I've finally found a way to get out of this vicious cycle. No blood, I'm not a fan of pain, never have been. But I read online that a quick way to sleep forever would be to take an overdose of sleeping pills and drown in the bath at the same time. It's perfect. Think about it. An endless sleep, I'll never have to wake up to this hellish world. My filthy corpse will no longer stain this planet. And I'll be saving the world by not taking anymore resources. It's perfect! It will help my family too, one less mouth to feed. And I get to sleep forever.  
So, I guess this is it. If you read this, then I'm probably already asleep. I don't know what else to write... Maybe a lesson. A word of advice. Yeah, to whomever reads this...

Never trust anyone. They will always betray you.  
Oh, and...  
Good Luck. You're gonna need it.  
\- Jane Evaden.

**Author's Note:**

> So? Yes, I know this is dark, but I'm bored and literally have nothing better to do. I tried to write this as a diary/journal type of fanfic, but I've never done that before so I don't know if I pulled it off. Anyway, Jane Evaden is an OC of mine. The whole story, plot, characters, everything is mine (apart from England, obviously).  
> Anyway, that's all.
> 
> \- QueenOfNerds713


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